


Take Me Home To Glory's Throne

by ru_salki99 (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Reality, Community: Apocabigbang, Fallen Castiel, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ru_salki99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell. When Dean says he remembers everything about his time there, he means it. Everything. Including his very first meeting with Castiel and what the angel did to persuade him to come home. However, whatever he may feel about it becomes secondary to the surprise that awaits Dean at Bobby's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *Written for the 2010 Apocalypse Big Bang*
> 
> BETA: A great big mahoosive thanks to Faithharkness who put up with all the tears and doubt and helped right through to the end.

Sam and Dean sat in the booth nearest the back in the bar as they drank their beers and finished off their food. They were making a pit stop on the way back to Bobby’s and were staying at the motel across the street.

“Is there anything else I can get you guys?” their waiter asked.

“A couple more beers when you’re ready,” Dean said to him with a smile, adding a wink just before he turned.

Their waiter grinned before turning and walking off to go get their beers.

“Seriously?” Sam asked, “You’ve run out of women to sleep with so you’re hitting on guys now?”

Dean sighed, “Is that a problem?” he asked as he tipped back his bottle to empty his beer.

Sam studied him for a moment, “You don’t think it’s unfair to lead him on?”

“Who says I’m leading him on?”

Sam snorted in amusement. “You? Gay? Yeah right, since when?”

Dean frowned at him, but then turned it into a smile as he saw their waiter come back with the beers and a phone number for Dean. Dean made a show of pocketing it before watching the waiter disappear once more.

“Dean?” Sam asked, all humour gone from his voice now. “Since when?”

Dean sighed and sat back in his chair. “Let’s just say when I took my trip downstairs I had my eyes opened a little bit.”

Sam just looked at him in utter bemusement.

“If you ever tell anyone I said this, I swear I’ll kill you. But… it’s not what’s on the outside that counts. It’s what’s in their soul that matters, that attracts me to them.”

“So what, he has a sexy soul?”

“Sam.”

Sam held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. But uh, do I wanna know exactly how you discovered this?”

“Not really,” Dean told him. “Let me just say that torture wasn’t restricted to the use of knives and hot pokers,” he started to explain. “It made me realise that it didn’t matter who was fucking me or… who I was fucking, what they looked like. All of their souls were black.” He paused, his fingers trailing along the wood grain of the table top before quietly adding, “Well, all but one.”

“All but one?”

Dean nodded. “That soul, that one soul is what really changed me. What made me realise just how happy I could really be if I just looked past what was on the outside.”

Sam didn’t mention the fact that Dean had just admitted to raping people in hell, or that he’d been raped himself; that wasn’t really what was important here. Dean knew what he had done was wrong. He even knew that the way he had lived his life before was wrong, and that was what this was all about. He was trying to make amends.

“So who was it?” Sam asked him.

“Doesn’t matter,” Dean said as he sipped at his beer.

“The hell it doesn’t Dean,” Sam argued. “If this soul was beautiful and pure enough to change your whole outlook on life, then I think they matter.”

Dean put his beer down and looked down at the table before glancing up at Sam. Did he want to tell him this? Was it any of his business? Of course it was; Sam was his brother, whatever happened to him mattered to Sam.

“The thing is…” he began before Sam’s phone rang, interrupting him.

Sighing once more, Dean sat back and pulled out his wallet as he listened to Sam talk to Bobby. He was probably just checking up on them, making sure that they were still talking and hadn’t fallen out again and whatnot. As Sam reassured Bobby, Dean stood up and dumped the money on the table.

“I’ll see you back at the motel,” he said.

“Dean, wait,” Sam said. “Bobby, I gotta go. Yeah, everything’s fine. I just… I’ll call you in the morning.”

Sam chased after Dean, noticing the disappointed look on the waiter’s face as he ran past him. He caught up with Dean halfway across the parking lot, just as he was pulling out the keys to the motel room.

“You didn’t need to run out of there like that,” he said. “I mean it was a guy, right, that’s why you’re embarrassed?”

“No,” Dean said, “and I’m not embarrassed. I just… it wasn’t just sex,” he explained as he put the key into the lock.

“So it meant something then,” Sam said with a shrug. “That’s a good thing.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he stepped into the room and shrugged off his jacket. “Whatever, I’m going for a shower,” he said, not waiting for Sam’s reply as he headed straight for the bathroom.

He turned the shower on straight away, allowing the water to heat up while he stripped off before stepping under the hot spray. He let the water ease away the tension in his muscles. He wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about what happened. He didn’t even like thinking about it. Not because it was an unpleasant memory, far from it. It just made him feel things…want, need, love…things he just wasn’t ready to face up to.

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if it really happened or not. There were no other signs that it had happened, it had never been discussed and as far as he could tell, if it had happened, it wasn’t something he was supposed to have remembered. Why else would Castiel lie about the hand print?

Leaning against the tile, he rested his head on his arm before reaching up with his free hand to run his fingers over the raised skin on his shoulder. The scar wasn’t nearly as angry as it had been just over a year ago, when he first came back. But it was still there, dark and bumpy, and was a constant reminder of the tryst that changed him forever.

 _Fourteen Months Ago_

Dean crouched in the dark, contemplating what he would do to the next soul to appear on his rack. The last one had been fun, she had screamed… a lot. It had been music to his ears. Unfortunately, she didn’t withstand his ministrations for very long, so he got bored with her and sent her down the line. The others could have fun with her for a while.

Standing up, he walked over to the table with his tools and picked up a particularly nasty looking knife; or maybe it was beautiful. It depended on your perspective, really. He started to toss it back and forth between his hands, getting the feel of it. He then lifted it to his chest and dragged it down, all the way to his navel and smiled. Yeah, this one would do.

But just as he turned to call upon the next soul, he was interrupted by a gust of wind hitting his back. Turning, he was taken aback by the sight before him. He stumbled backwards, dropping the knife as he tried to shield his eyes from the bright light shining from the being before him. It was an intense blue, and while it looked cold, it wasn’t; it wasn’t hot either, but just the right temperature, a soothing warmth emanating from him.

“Do not be afraid, Dean,” it said in a gentle voice.

“What are you?” he asked as it moved closer to him.

“My name is Castiel. I’m here to save you.”

“Save me?” Dean barked in laughter. “You’re here… oh that’s just hilarious.”

Dean couldn’t see a face, but he was sure that the being in front of him, Castiel, was frowning. He could feel it.

“Why do you laugh?” he asked, stopping in front of Dean, leaving hardly any space between them at all.

“What makes you think I deserve to be saved?” Dean asked.

Castiel reached out and stroked a gentle hand down Dean’s face. “What makes you think you don’t?”

Dean just stared at him, feeling Castiel move even closer to him until there was no more space between them.

“Your soul is righteous and shines more brightly than all others,” Castiel told him.

“Apart from yours,” Dean commented.

Again, Dean couldn’t see any facial features, but he was sure that Castiel was smiling. And then Castiel leaned down and Dean felt the softest of lips touching his own, spreading a warmth through his entire body. A warmth that he hadn’t felt in oh, so long. When Castiel tried to pull back, Dean didn’t let him; he couldn’t. He needed to feel the warmth some more.

He knew that, should he want to, Castiel could pull free; that he could stop Dean from holding him in a kiss. But he didn’t.

Dean wrapped his arms around him, holding on as hard as he could before pulling him down onto the ground. Castiel hovered over him, his light encompassing him and preventing Dean from seeing past him. Not that he wanted to, as Castiel was too beautiful to look away from.

Castiel kissed his way along his jaw, whispering to Dean, telling him how beautiful he was. How much he was loved and missed and wanted, all the while gently running his hand down his chest, healing his wound and making Dean’s skin tingle.

“Castiel,” Dean whispered, unable to say much more.

But Castiel seemed to realise what it was he wanted; what it was he needed. Dean felt his leg being lifted up before the feeling of being filled washed over him. Making his chest swell with the most pleasurable feeling he had ever experienced.

As Castiel began to fuck him… no, this wasn’t fucking, this was something else… what, though, he wasn’t entirely sure. But as he moved, Dean couldn’t stop his back from arching off the ground, from pushing back down onto Castiel as hard as he could.

Castiel wrapped his arms around him, holding him safely as he pushed in and out of him, stroking his hands up and down Dean’s back, making his spine tingle with an intense heat.

“Cas,” Dean moaned, gripping onto him, “Cas, I…”

Castiel cut him off by capturing his mouth in a kiss once more, bringing one of his hands up to grip at Dean’s shoulder, holding him in place as he forced him to completion.

Dean gasped and arched against him, bending himself as far backwards as he could go as he was overcome with pleasure. Then, just when he thought it couldn’t get any more intense, Castiel followed him, making Dean’s insides burn; making his mouth burn where he was kissing him; and making his shoulder burn where he was holding onto him. It was the most intense orgasm Dean had ever experienced and he didn’t ever want it to end.

Then Castiel pulled back, breaking the kiss and gently stroking his hair. “Are you alright, Dean?” he asked.

Dean grinned. “Never better,” he said, “I totally have to get saved more often, though.”

He could feel Castiel smiling again before he had Castiel’s strong arms wrapped round him once more. “Come, Dean. It is time to go home.”

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Dean couldn’t sleep.

Sam had been asleep before he even came out of the bathroom earlier, and now he was lying on his back, starfished across the bed, snoring his ginourmous head off. But that wasn’t what was keeping Dean awake. He was used to that. It was his memories of Castiel that were preventing him from slipping into unconsciousness.

When he’d first got back, he had only been able to remember flashes, feelings, nothing of substance. But now, he remembered everything. Even what his thoughts had been the moment before Castiel had appeared to rescue him.

He longed to be touched like that again, to be kissed like that, to feel love like that once more. Perhaps that was why he had started hitting on guys; he knew no woman could ever make him feel as safe as Castiel did. No, when it came to women, _he_ was the protector.

All Dean wanted was to have that feeling again, to go to sleep knowing that he was safe. But if it was actually real and not a figment of his imagination, then why had Castiel never acknowledged it? Why had he lied? Did he regret it? Had it been an order, or a huge mistake? What? It was over a year now and Dean just… he had to know.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning, as Sam threw the few things he had unpacked back into his bag, he couldn’t help but notice that Dean was looking more than a little tired. He obviously hadn’t slept well and Sam wondered if it had something to do with their topic of conversation the night before.

However, as much as he wanted to ask Dean if he was okay, he knew better than to try to bring it up. Dean would talk to him when he was good and ready. Sure, he might need to push Dean a little bit if he left it too long, but he would still tell Sam eventually.

“You ready?” Dean asked as he shouldered his bag.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “You wanna grab some breakfast before we hit the road?” he asked.

“I’d rather just get going,” Dean said, “get to Bobby’s as soon as possible.”

“Sure,” Sam said as he followed him, “but we’re hitting a drive-thru right?”

“Course we are,” Dean said, as if Sam was stupid.

Sam smiled a little as he pulled the motel room door closed behind him. However, he didn’t get very far, walking right into the back of Dean instead.

“Dean, what the…”

“Hello boys,” Zachariah said as he jumped off the hood of the Impala. “You’re both looking well. I see, you haven’t said yes to Lucifer yet, Sammy. But of course, that’s only a matter of time.”

Both Sam and Dean stiffened at those words; Sam because he refused to believe that he would be so weak, and Dean because of one of the worst memories etched into his brain, never to leave.

“How did you find us?” Dean asked.

“Like I said before, Dean,” Zachariah said, “we have eyes everywhere.”

Dean just raised an eyebrow at him, as he didn’t remember meeting any Jehovah’s Witnesses the night before.

“Your boyfriend from the bar,” Zachariah confirmed.

“Right,” Dean nodded with a roll of his eyes, “of course. So, you just here to give your usual threat, or you gonna try to fuck with my head again?”

Zachariah shook his head, tutting at Dean as he did so. “That potty mouth of yours leaves a lot to be desired, Dean.”

“So does your smug-ass face,” Dean retorted. “Now, what do you want?”

“You ever noticed how children are far more likely to believe in fairy tales and bedtime stories than the regular adult is?” Zachariah asked.

Dean and Sam just looked at him with confused frowns.

“Well, say I was to go up to a child, tell him that he was the chosen one. That if he said yes, the most powerful, most special angel of all could make him a super hero. What do you think that child would say?”

“Depends on the kid,” Dean said. “If it was me as a child, I probably would’ve told you where to shove it.”

Zachariah smiled at him. “I don’t doubt that.”

“Look, why are you asking us this?” Sam asked.

“Good question, Sammy,” Zachariah said. “You see, if your brother continues to say no, we will move on to the next vessel in the blood line.”

Sam frowned, unsure what Zachariah was getting at.

“Oh don’t worry, Sam, I’m not going to ask you to choose between Michael and Lucifer. If Michael were to try and use you as a vessel, you would both explode into a million tiny pieces.”

“Well then, what the hell are you talking about?” Dean snapped, “’Cause in case you hadn’t noticed, we’re kind of in a hurry.”

“Your son,” Zachariah told him. “There are only two vessels on this earth suitable to contain Michael. You, Dean, and your son.”

Dean shook his head. “You got the wrong guy dude. I don’t have a son.”

Zachariah cocked his head at him in a way that reminded Dean way too much of those little dinosaurs that attacked the fat guy in Jurassic Park. It kind of freaked him out.

“Interesting,” Zachariah said before disappearing from sight.

Both brothers stood still for a moment before turning to each other.

“Dude, you got something you wanna tell me?” Sam asked.

“I wish I knew,” Dean said as he headed over to the car, double checking the hood to make sure that Zachariah hadn’t left any scratches. It looked okay, if a little dirty, but that wasn’t Zachariah’s fault, that was what driving in the rain did.

They both climbed into the car and Dean began to pull out, his brow set in a deep frown as he tried to remember every girl he’d slept with while not using a condom. But, well… those were all over forty years ago for him, not to mention there were so many they just blurred into one, so it was a little difficult.

“Can you think of anyone?” Sam asked.

“Well… yeah,” Dean said. “But, I mean, there are quite a number of them.”

Sam sighed. “Maybe you should write a list or something.”

“Sam, I lost my virginity when I was fifteen and I died when I was thirty. That’s fifteen years of sex. Lots of sex. With lots of different girls, I don’t even remember all of them.”

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. “Well, we have to do something; we can’t just let the angels get their hands on some innocent kid.”

“I know!” Dean barked as he pulled his phone from his pocket to search through the contact list to see if any names jumped out at him. As he did so, it began to ring. It was Castiel.

Sam sat and watched as Dean spoke with Castiel, telling him to meet them at the drive-thru at the edge of town. Sam couldn’t help but notice that he was now ten times more tense than he had been before.

“He says I have a son,” Dean said into the phone. “What do you mean, you know? Cas, if you…” Dean cut himself off and pulled his phone away from his ear. “Fucker hung up on me,” he told Sam. “I swear, when we see him I’m gonna take that angel stick of his and shove it up his ass.”

Sam wanted to smile, but couldn’t quite bring himself to as the last part of Dean’s conversation actually sunk in. “Maybe all the angels know,” he suggested.

“The high ups, yeah,” Dean nodded, “but the others only know what they get told, which is why they follow Zachariah so fucking blindly!” he shouted as he smacked his hand off of the steering wheel.

“Dean, calm down,” Sam said. “Look, we’ll be meeting Cas in a couple minutes and he can fill us in on what he knows.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“I was told of his existence when I was told of their plan for Sam to break the final seal,” Castiel explained as he sat in the back of the Impala.

Dean still hadn’t wanted to waste any more time in that town than he had to, so they had literally stopped long enough to grab some food to go and shove Castiel into the back seat before driving off again.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Dean asked. “Don’t you think I have a right to know that I have a son?”

“It is not my fault his mother decided not to inform you,” Castiel told him.

“I don’t even know who his mother is!”

Castiel made to answer him when Sam interrupted, “If you know who he is, can’t you go and protect him or something, keep the other angels away from him?”

“It is done,” Castiel said. “When I discovered that Dean was Michael’s vessel, I went to him and carved the same sigils into his ribs that are on yours.”

“You what?” Dean asked. “You got any idea how painful that was?”

Castiel scowled at him. “His mother had no issue with it. In fact, if I remember correctly, her last wish was for me to do what I could to keep him safe.”

“Her last wish?” Sam asked. “She’s dead?”

Castiel sighed. “They were attacked by demons a few weeks ago. They fought bravely. She even called for me, but by the time I got there, it was too late. And so I took your son and I put him where I knew he would be safe.”

“Where?” Dean asked.

“He is with Bobby.”

“Bobby?” Sam and Dean asked at the same time.

“Yes.”

Dean muttered some unsavoury words under his breath as he once more pulled out his phone, speed dialing Bobby’s number. The minute he answered, Dean started shouting, demanding to know why Bobby hadn’t told him, why he had kept it secret from him, and what the hell was he thinking? When he stopped shouting, however, the calm voice of Bobby could be heard by both Sam and Castiel as he explained his reasoning.

“Your angel asked me not to say anything, that it wouldn’t be safe to do so over the phone and that it would best be discussed face to face, which I wholeheartedly agree with,” he explained.

“Yeah, but…”

“We’re talking about a child, Dean. Your child. An innocent life that we can’t afford to risk in the same way we do our own. And I think we owe it to his mother to protect him, don’t you?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, Bobby, I do,” he said. Bobby speaking to him so calmly, not calling him an idjit or using any kind of cuss words, scared him more than if he had shouted at him. “Look, we should be there this afternoon, we can talk about it then.”

“Sure,” Bobby said, “just make sure you behave when you get here. I don’t want to have to shoot you for being an ass,” he added before he hung up.

When the call ended, the car fell into silence, as both Sam and Dean contemplated what this would mean for them both; not only in the battle between Heaven and Hell, but that Dean had a son, Sam a nephew.

Castiel however, just sat and watched them.

“So,” Dean said after a while, looking at Castiel in the rear view mirror, “my son got a name?”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded, “his name is Benjamin.”

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

“I knew it,” Dean hissed at Sam as they stood in the forecourt of a gas station, filling up the tank (Castiel having disappeared inside to get some candy, which he swore wasn’t for him). “I knew Lisa was lying to me. Why did she do that?”

Sam sighed. “Think about it, Dean,” he said, “You hadn’t been around for his whole life, what difference was it going to make to them to have you part of it all of a sudden?”

“I should have at least been given the choice,” Dean said as he put the pump back.

“You died like three months later. How the hell do you think he would’ve taken the news that you were his dad, that he had a dad, only for you to up and die on him?” he asked. “It was probably for the best that she didn’t tell you.”

“She didn’t know about the deal,” Dean said, “so that doesn’t count.”

“Yeah well, I guess it’s too late to ask her now,” Sam said. “Ben might know, though. You could always ask him when you see him.”

“Oh right, yeah, I’m just gonna come right out and ask him why his mom, who only died two weeks ago, lied to me! I am not that insensitive!”

Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise, having not expected those particular words to come from Dean’s lips. Guess he had grown up a little.

“Cas, will you hurry the fuck up!” Dean shouted as he climbed back into the car.

Sam shook his head in disapproval and climbed in beside him. Castiel joined them a couple of seconds later. “I apologise. It was hard to decide which candy bars to buy.”

“Whatever,” Dean said as he hit the road.

They were all silent for a few moments before Dean spoke again. “About Lisa,” he started, “what happened to her body?”

“Salted and burned,” Castiel replied.

“Really?” Sam and Dean asked at the same time.

“Bobby said I should,” Castiel explained, “to prevent a demon from possessing her. It was the least I could do.”

“Hey, Cas,” Sam said as he turned to him, “you know it wasn’t your fault that she died, right? I mean, you went there as soon as Ben called…”

“I shouldn’t have left them alone,” Castiel said. “They were not hunters. It was foolish of me to think that they would be able to survive without help. And now, because of my ignorance, a boy has lost his mother.”

Sam didn’t know how to reply to that, so he didn’t, instead giving him a soft smile and turning back around to face the road. It was then that Dean looked up into the rear view mirror, his heart breaking as he saw the look of utter grief on Castiel’s face. And while Dean was mad as hell at him, he just wanted to make him feel better, wrap him up in his arms and tell him it was okay, to not blame himself. But he couldn’t, as he still had no idea just what was going on with them. So he kept silent, looking away from Castiel for the remainder of their journey.

It only took them another couple of hours to get to Bobby’s. When they did, Castiel stepped out of the car almost instantly. While Sam grabbed his bag from his feet, his hand going to the door handle, he noticed that Dean hadn’t moved a muscle.

“Dude, you okay?” Sam asked him.

“I have a son,” Dean said, as if it was really only sinking in. “I have a ten year old son.”

“Um…yeah. Yeah, you do,” Sam said quietly.

“How the hell am I supposed to be a dad?” he asked, “I don’t know how to be someone’s father. I’m way too immature for that.”

“Well, you raised me, remember?” Sam said.

Dean turned to look at him. “That was different.”

“How?”

“’Cause.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Look, Dean, sit out here if you want, but he’s not going to go away. The quicker you get in there and get it all over with, the better.”

And with that, Sam climbed out of the car, leaving Dean to sit there on his own. As Sam walked up the steps, he was happy to hear Dean’s car door open and shut, but he didn’t look back at his brother; instead, he continued to make his way inside.

As he walked through the door, he downed the obligatory shot of holy water that Bobby was holding out for him, before going to dump his bag in the living room. However, he halted in the doorway as he saw Ben, about half a foot taller than the last time he had seen him, his hair a little lighter and the cockiness he had exuded completely gone as he spoke in hushed tones to Castiel, who was crouched down and holding out the candy bar he had bought.

“How is he?” Sam asked Bobby quietly.

“As good as you could expect,” Bobby said as he turned to Dean, who had just stepped through the door, handing him his shot. “Tell you somethin’ though, kid’s scarily like his old man at that age,” he added with a smile, smacking Dean on the shoulder.

“Aw, thanks, Bobby,” Dean said sarcastically as he turned towards the living room.

Castiel was standing up straight now and positioned behind Ben, who was looking up at Dean with the saddest eyes that any of them had ever seen on a child.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dean said, not knowing what else to say.

Ben stood and stared at him, his big, dark eyes glossing over slightly before he turned and ran.

Dean watched him go before turning to the others for help. Sam just shrugged, but Bobby gave him a hard shove. “Well, go after him,” he snapped.

Nodding, Dean hurried out of the room after Ben, following him up the stairs. There were a number of unused rooms up here, and Ben could’ve been hiding in any of them. However, Dean went for the one at the end of the hall, somehow knowing that Ben would be in there.

Pushing the door open gently, he wasn’t surprised to find Ben curled up in the corner, in between the bedside table and the wall, head buried in his knees as his body shook with tears.

Dean didn’t say anything to him, though, just sat down next to him before reaching out and putting an arm round his shoulders. Ben didn’t move at first, but the longer they sat there, the less defensive he became until, eventually, he was clinging to Dean, sobbing his heart out into his shirt.

Ben cried for what seemed like an age, holding onto Dean tightly, his candy falling between them, forgotten. And Dean just held him, shedding his own silent tears as he remembered himself just what it felt like to lose your mother.

When Ben finally stopped crying, Dean looked down at him to see that he had fallen asleep.

“That’s the first time he’s cried since it happened,” Castiel said. Dean looked up to see him standing in the doorway to what had been his bedroom, and couldn’t help the slight giddy feeling he got when Castiel sat down on his bed.

However, he did his best to ignore that, instead just nodding dumbly. “He knows, right?” he asked, “That I’m…”

“Yes, he knows,” Castiel nodded as Dean lifted Ben up and placed him on the bed.

Dean sighed and looked down at him, stroking his hair gently. “Thought he was going to hit me, you know. It’s what I would’ve done.”

Castiel smiled as Dean sat next to him. “As much as what Bobby says is true, in that he does share most of your personality traits, he also shares a lot with his mother.”

Dean nodded, bringing his hand up to wipe the wetness from his eyes and in doing so, found the candy bar. “From you?” he asked as he held it up.

Castiel blushed a little. “I promised I would have a gift for him next time I came. I wasn’t planning on visiting so soon, though.”

Dean snorted and put it down on the bed next to him. As he did so, Castiel produced another candy bar.

“I thought you might like some, too,” he said as he held it out. “The endorphins…”

Dean smiled, knowing that Castiel was trying to cheer him up and feeling touched by the gesture. “Thanks,” he said as he took it and added it to Ben’s.

“You’re welcome,” Castiel replied, giving him a soft smile as he did so.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Dean stayed with Ben, watching him sleep for about a half hour, before he found himself falling asleep, too. Castiel had been sitting with him the entire time and it felt nice to have him there, without worrying that someone would burst in and interrupt them. Ideally, he would use this time to talk to him, but he wasn’t sure how to, especially with Ben lying sleeping right next to them.

So they remained silent, watching the sleeping form of Ben before Castiel finally spoke.

“Perhaps you should lie down also,” he suggested, “before you fall down.”

Dean smiled a little, enjoying hearing Castiel use human expressions, for he was sure that Castiel wouldn’t have said something like that a year ago.

“Maybe,” he said, but didn’t move.

Castiel placed his hand on his shoulder, making Dean turn to look at him. “Go to sleep, Dean,” he said as he pushed him down onto the mattress.

And yeah, it was kind of inappropriate since his son was in the same bed as him and all, but Dean couldn’t help but have a slight flashback to another time when Castiel pushed him to lie down. And as soon as the image was in his head, Castiel pulled his hand back, as if he too had seen it.

“I’ll be downstairs,” Castiel said before standing up and walking to the door.

“Cas,” Dean said feebly, hoping that he would stay.

Castiel nervously brought his eyes up from the floor to look at him, before quickly looking away again. “Now is not the time,” he told him, and then he was gone.

Dean sighed and lay back, staring up at the ceiling and listening to Ben’s quiet breathing. At least Castiel had acknowledged that there was something they had to talk about, or at least he hoped he had. They could’ve been thinking about two completely different things. But as much as Castiel had a lot to learn about humans, he wasn’t stupid. He had to know that Dean remembered; that he longed to feel his touch once more.

Curling on his side to face Ben, he watched him for a few moments, watched as Ben frowned a little as whatever he was dreaming about disturbed him. Dean reached out and gently ran his thumb over his son’s brow, flattening out the frown before dropping his hand to the bed. Once he was sure that Ben was no longer suffering from bad dreams or memories, he let his own eyes fall closed.

 _Dean clung tightly to Castiel, his saviour, as he swept him out of the depths of Hell. He had his head buried in the crook of Castiel’s neck, breathing in his scent, memorising it, as he knew it was not something that he would ever want to forget._

 _“It will not be long now, Dean,” Castiel said. “Soon, it will all be over.”_

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

When Dean woke up, it was to find Ben sitting up on the pillow, staring down at the candy bar Castiel had given him.

“Hey,” Dean said through a yawn as he wiped his eyes and sat up. “You okay?”

Ben nodded. “Sorry I cried,” he said.

“That’s okay,” Dean told him. “Nothing wrong with crying.”

“Thought only chicks cried?” Ben asked him.

“Nah. Crying’s good. So long as you know there’s a good enough reason behind it.”

Ben nodded and turned to look at the candy bar again. “Mom never talked about you,” he said. “Not even after you helped us that time.”

“Well, she must’ve had her reasons,” Dean said. “When you were first born, I wasn’t a very good guy. I wouldn’t have been much good to you or your Mom.”

“What about after you came to my birthday party?”

Dean bit his lip as he thought about his answer. “I thought you were my son. Was convinced of it, and I was ready to do anything for you. But your mom said I wasn’t your dad, so I left.”

Ben frowned as he looked up at him. “Why would she say that?” he asked.

“’Cause she remembered me being the ass that I was when we first met. And besides, I was in some serious shit with some demons, so it was for the best. I wouldn’t have wanted either of you to get mixed up in that. Hell, I didn’t want either of you to get mixed up in any of this,” he said as he rubbed at his eyes, unable to look into the face of his son, a face that looked so like Lisa.

“Dean?” Ben said as he put his hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault,” he added, making Dean turn to look at him. “Castiel and Uncle Bobby told me that there were bad angels after you, that you were a vessel for Michael.”

“They told you all that, huh?” Dean asked in surprise. Ideally, he’d have tried to keep as much of that a secret from Ben for as long as possible; but then, he supposed he had seen his mother killed and deserved to know the reason.

“Castiel said I could be Michael’s vessel too,” he said, looking to Dean for confirmation.

Dean sighed. “Yeah. Apparently so,” he said as he swung his arm over Ben and pulled him close, “But don’t you worry, I’m not gonna let Michael take you. We’ll find another way to stop all this; one that doesn’t involve us becoming meat suits, okay?”

Ben nodded silently against his side.

“I mean it. We just found each other. It would be stupid if we let each other go now right?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, with a firmer nod. “I won’t let anything happen to you, either.”

“Good. ’Cause I need all the backup I can get,” Dean told him with a smile before he sat up. “Come on, let’s go see if Bobby’s made dinner yet.”

Together they made their way down the stairs, listening to the sound of Sam and Bobby talking quietly to each other. Dean could guess what it was they were discussing, as they both abruptly cut themselves off at the sound of their footsteps as they trudged along the hallway.

“So,” Dean said as he entered the kitchen, “what’s for eating?”

“There’s stew in the oven,” Bobby told him. “Ben, you know where the plates are.”

Ben nodded and went to retrieve a couple of plates for himself and Dean while Dean grabbed the oven gloves and took the stew out of the oven.

“You two eaten, then?” he asked as he placed it down on the table, gesturing for Ben to sit.

“Yeah, we couldn’t wait. Sorry,” Sam said.

Dean shook his head at him. “It’s okay,” he said as he started to spoon a hearty portion onto Ben’s plate. “Where’s Cas?” he then asked. After all, his absence was the first thing Dean had noticed when he’d entered the kitchen.

“He had to go,” Sam told him. “He said it wasn’t safe for him to spend so much time here, that the angels might be able to sense him if he stayed in one place too long.”

“Yeah, but they can’t get in here, right?” Dean asked. “Cas is the only angel able to get past the wards.”

“In theory, yeah,” Sam nodded, “but I don’t think he’s willing to put that to the test.”

Dean sighed and sat down to eat his food. “He say when he’d be back?” he asked, aware that Ben was watching him closely.

“Uh, no. No, he didn’t,” Sam confessed. “But you know Cas. He’ll show up when he has to.”

Dean didn’t say anything to that, just dug into his meal instead.

“Did I miss something?” Bobby asked after a few minutes of silence.

Dean looked up at him. “No. No, I just needed to talk to him about something is all.”

“Talk to him about what?” Bobby asked him.

Dean flushed a little. “Nothing important, just… personal stuff.”

Everyone raised their eyebrows at him in slight disbelief, Ben included, but Dean paid no mind to them. He knew Sam would guess what it was related to, but he didn’t need Bobby to know any of that shit; and he certainly didn’t need Ben to know it, either. He wasn’t even sure if Ben knew he’d been to Hell or not.

“How’s your stew?” he asked Ben instead.

“Good,” Ben nodded as he scooped another spoonful.

Realising that Dean wasn’t going to say anything else, Bobby decided to change the subject. “I’ve put Ben in the room across from yours,” he said to Dean. “Sam’s moved down the hall.”

“Oh. Sure okay,” Dean nodded. For a while there, he had thought he’d have to share with Ben and hadn’t realised just how relieved he’d be to find out he wouldn’t, that he would still have his own space. “That okay with you, kiddo?”

Ben nodded. “It’s pretty cool in there. But he doesn’t have pictures of naked girls on the wall like you do.”

Dean swallowed hard around his mouthful, feeling himself blush. It had been so long since he’d paid those pictures any mind that he’d all but forgotten about them.

“Can I put some pictures of naked girls up?” Ben then asked him.

“Sure,” Dean nodded, “when you’re sixteen.”

Ben, who had been excited for a moment, frowned at him, but thankfully didn’t complain. Dean guessed that was because it was a better deal than any Lisa would’ve given him.

After that, Bobby left the kitchen and Sam leaned against the worktop watching them both eat. There were so many things going through his head that he wanted to ask not only Dean about, but Ben also. However, it was pretty evident that now wasn’t the time; all the things he needed to talk about could wait until the morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was late by the time Ben finally went to bed. He didn’t need much persuasion, but asked for Dean to come and say good night to him once he was all ready. So Dean found himself standing outside of Ben’s door, waiting for him to call to him that he was decent and in bed. After all, he was a big boy now and didn’t need help with his pj’s.

However, as he waited,Dean felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw it was a message from Castiel, saying that he would be in his room shortly. Sighing, Dean sent a quick reply before realising that he was going to have to say a quick good night to Ben.

“Okay, Dean. You can come in now.”

Dean opened the door and stepped inside, unable to stop himself from noticing how the room looked almost exactly the same as it had with Sam’s stuff in it, except that the books weren’t all about demons and angels and mythology. Instead, they were kids’ books, stuff that regular, normal ten year old boys should read. But then, Ben wasn’t a normal ten year old anymore.

“Look, uh, I know it’s been a pretty shitty two weeks,” Dean said, “but it’ll get better. Once we deal with all this, I promise, we’ll get you back in school, get you a good education and you’re gonna grow up and have a good life. The kind that I never had.”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t mind. School sucks anyway.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that before picking up one of the books. “You like reading?” he asked.

“Sometimes,” Ben conceded, sticking out his chin and daring Dean to make a comment.

“Yeah, I was never much the big reader myself. But your Uncle Sam is. You should talk to him. He might be able to recommend something for you.”

“Sure, okay,” Ben nodded as he looked down at his quilt.

“You know, you don’t have to call him Uncle Sam if you don’t want to,” Dean told him. “Just like you don’t have to call me Dad. God knows I haven’t exactly earned it. Just whatever you’re comfortable with, okay?”

Ben nodded and gave him a small smile.

“And, well, I know that Bobby has taught you the basic stuff, but we’re really gonna have to teach you about demons and angels and how to protect yourself,” Dean told him reluctantly.

He had always promised himself that if he ever had kids, he would let them have a normal life. He wouldn’t hide them from his world, but he wouldn’t be teaching them how to shoot for their sixth birthday, or giving them bottles of holy water to keep under their pillow. However, he knew that with Ben, he wouldn’t have that choice. He had already seen too much and he had to know how to defend himself as well as Dean did at his age if he had any chance of making it through this.

“I can fight,” Ben told him.

“I’m not talking about fighting,” Dean said as he stood up, “but we’ll start all that in the morning. Right now, we both need to go to bed, ’cause I don’t know about you, but I need my beauty sleep.”

Ben laughed at him there before nodding. “Okay. Night, Dean,” he said as he settled down.

“Night, kiddo,” Dean said, gently stroking his hair. “And remember, if you need anything, I’m right across the hall.”

Ben nodded silently and Dean took that as his cue to leave him alone. He didn’t close the door completely, leaving it open so that the light from the hall could seep in. Bobby had told him how Ben hadn’t been able to sleep in pitch darkness after the attack and that he needed a little light. So until they could get him some kind of night light, they’d just need to keep the hall light on for him.

Not bothering to go back downstairs, Dean went over to his own bedroom to await the arrival of Castiel. However, as soon as he closed the door, his eyes landed on the girlie pictures that Ben had been talking about earlier. Walking over to them, he reached up and started to pull them down, crumpling them all up and throwing them into the wastepaper basket next to his bedside table.

He was a grown man, thirty-one years old. He had a ten year old son and he was in love with an angel, a male angel. So he really had no need for these kinds of images anymore. Unless, of course, Castiel shot him down. But even then, he doubted that any kind of image other than Castiel would ever do anything for him ever again.

Just as he was taking down the last one—a rather busty, plastic looking female sitting astride a Harley Davidson—the familiar rustling sound that signalled Castiel’s entrance hit his ears.

“Dean?” Castiel said from his position at the other side of the room.

“Hey,” Dean nodded as he scrunched up the poster and dumped it. “So, what’s this little visit all about?”

“We need to talk,” Castiel said, a look of utter trepidation on his face.

Dean felt worry wash over him. If this was about what he thought it was about, then Castiel didn’t look like he was at all interested in a repeat performance; in fact, he looked ashamed.

“So talk,” Dean said to him as he folded his arms across his chest.

“You remember our meeting in Hell.” It wasn’t a question, it was a simple statement, as if Castiel had just had his suspicions confirmed.

“Yup,” Dean confirmed, “I’ve remembered for a while now.”

Castiel nodded. “I apologise,” he said, “You were never meant to know. With my limited powers, I seem to be unable to keep the memories at bay.”

Dean frowned. “But I’ve been remembering since before you told Zach where to stick it,” he told him.

Castiel looked at him in surprise for a moment before he sighed and rubbed at his face in an all too human way. “It’s not my grace then.”

“Then what?” Dean asked, actually curious to know.

“My… my feelings for you are not what they should be.”

Dean took a deep breath as he realised what Castiel was trying to say, “So your feelings for me, are they the same as mine for you?”

Castiel stared at him. “I’m not sure what your feelings are,” he said. “The scar on your shoulder, it connects us. When I touched your shoulder, I saw a flash of a memory. But it wasn’t my memory, it was yours. That’s the only reason I know you remember; however, I have suspected as much since I rebelled.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded, “I guess you wanna know what I’m feeling then?”

“It would be helpful, yes,” Castiel replied.

Sighing, Dean sat himself down on the end of his bed, “Well I…” he paused, not quite able to believe that he was actually doing the chick flick thing, and with another guy, “I can’t stop thinking about you. About what happened down there with you, how it made me feel or how much I just want to feel that again. I… well, I need you, Cas. I want you. God, I want you so bad it hurts,” he added as he stood up again and went over to him.

Castiel didn’t say anything, though, just stood there staring at Dean as if he had spoken in a language he didn’t understand.

“Cas?” Dean asked. “If you don’t feel like that, then…then it’s okay. We’ll deal. But you can’t just not say anything.”

“I do,” Castiel said quietly. “I do feel that way,” he added, making Dean smile harder than he ever had before. “But it’s forbidden.”

The smile dropped off of Dean’s face. “What do you mean, it’s forbidden? We’ve already done it once…”

“That was different, Dean,” Castiel told him.

“Why? Why are you allowed to fuck me one day and not the next?”

Castiel cringed. “Please don’t, you make it sound so crass.”

Dean threw his hands up into the air in frustration. “I’m just trying to understand here, Cas.”

“I was ordered to use any means necessary to get you out,” Castiel explained. “I was to get close to you and subdue you enough that you would let me take you out of there. But when I touched you, it sparked something in me and I was unable to stop myself. My superiors blamed it on the influences of Hell; that I had been down there too long that I had lost my way. And whether that’s true or whether we were simply meant to be, we’ll never know.”

“But I don’t get what that’s got to do with anything,” Dean said. “We still had sex before. Why can’t we now?”

“Because I was forgiven. I paid my penance. The only reason I was even allowed to continue with my mission was because I had sworn that you would never remember, that I wouldn’t allow it. I was warned that this would happen if you did, that it would be impossible to remain impartial and that should we connect in the same way again, I would have my grace torn from me and sent to the fieriest pits of Hell for all eternity.”

“And what, you don’t think that if Zachariah or Raphael gets their hands on you that they’re not going to send you there anyway?” Dean asked, getting seriously annoyed with this conversation now.

“Dean. Please, I need you to understand,” Castiel said as he approached him.

“But I do understand,” Dean told him. “I just think it’s the stupidest reason for not being with the one you want I’ve ever heard. But if that’s your decision, then fine. Conversation over. We can both keep pretending that there’s nothing between us. We won’t talk about it again.”

“Dean…”

“No, Cas. You’ve obviously made your choice. And that’s fine. Really, it is. Now that I know, I can spend more time worrying about my son rather than my dick. Got it?”

Castiel nodded slowly. “I understand. I shall return in two days.”

And with that, he was gone. Dean sighed and collapsed onto the bed, tossing himself on his back and throwing his hands over his eyes. That’s not how he had imagined that talk going, but of course it was Cas. Things were never simple or easy when he was concerned.

But at least he had got him to admit that he had feelings for him; that was a start. Now he just had to get him to realise that those upstairs didn’t give a shit what he did anymore, that he was condemned anyway. Christ, that was gonna be hard. Castiel was more stubborn than he was, and he was the most stubborn human he knew.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” Sam asked as they waited for Ben.

It had become pretty evident over the past week that Ben, being a growing boy and all, needed a good supply of clothing, books, games and things to keep him entertained. Dean also said he wanted to get him some posters for his room at Bobby’s, let him make it his own. And so, leaving Bobby back at his house as he followed up on a lead one of his contacts had sent him, Dean and Sam took Ben to the mall.

They had started at the toy store. Dean had told him that he couldn’t afford any kind of computer games, but Ben didn’t mind. He’d told him he preferred playing basketball instead, which had led to Dean buying a hoop to fasten to Bobby’s old garage and a proper basketball. When Sam had questioned him about it, Dean shrugged and said he was allowed to spoil his son if he wanted to.

While Dean put the hoop in the car, Sam took Ben to the bookstore, helping him choose some books that would be appropriate for his level of reading and that wouldn’t give him nightmares. Dean didn’t meet up with them immediately though, going into a home store and buying the most grown up night light he could for Ben’s room. If Ben was anything like him, he knew that he would’ve been embarrassed about needing it, especially since it had cartoon racing cars all over it.

Carrying his purchase, Dean met up with them again outside the bookstore and went looking for appropriate clothing for a ten year old. Ben ended up telling them where to go, as the two of them had had no idea where to start. And now, after forty-five minutes of looking through what was on offer and choosing a wide selection from t-shirts to heavy sweatshirts, underwear and boots, Sam and Dean were waiting outside the fitting rooms while Ben tried some of it on.

“Going on with what?” Dean asked as he checked his watch. Ben had been gone for ten minutes already.

“You and Castiel.”

Dean flicked his eyes up to meet Sam’s. “Nothing’s going on.”

Sam sighed and looked away from him. If Dean didn’t want to talk about it, he wasn’t going to make him. Not yet anyhow, but at least his reaction had confirmed for him that something was definitely going on between them.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Nothing, it’s just…I’m not an idiot, Dean. I can see something’s clearly up. You more or less come out to me; then next thing I know, you and Castiel are acting like you had a one night stand that went wrong…”

Dean blushed and looked away from him.

“Oh my God. You slept with Castiel?” Sam hissed.

“No. Yes… not really. It’s complicated.”

“Well, you either did or you didn’t,” Sam said. “Which is it?”

“It was in Hell,” Dean admitted. “Before he pulled me out of there he, well we…” he trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“But that was over a year ago,” Sam pointed out. “Why are you both all of a sudden tiptoeing round each other?”

“Cas said I wasn’t supposed to remember,” Dean told him as he checked his watch again, “and now he knows that I do and that I want, that we both want…well, like I said, it’s complicated.”

Sam was smart enough to sense when to drop or change a subject. Dean had told him more than he had expected him to anyway, so he pushed his hair out of his eyes and checked his own watch.

“You wanna go check on him?” he asked.

“Am I being way overprotective?” Dean asked. “I mean, he did have a lot of stuff to try on.”

Sam smiled at him. “No. It’s fine. All of Heaven and probably Hell is after him. I’m surprised you even let him out of your sight.”

Dean rolled his eyes but turned to the fitting rooms, stuck his head in the door (ignoring the look he got from the shop assistant) and called on Ben.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just coming.”

“Okay, don’t take too long,” he said, “or we won’t have time for that burger and ice cream.”

Like magic, Ben shot out of his cubicle, struggling with his clothes while trying to pull the sneaker onto his left foot. “Burger and ice cream?” he asked as he stumbled towards Dean.

“If you want. I might get some pie instead of ice cream and Sam’s likely to get a salad instead of a burger,” Dean said with a smile as he stepped forward and took the clothes from Ben and let him lean on him while he pulled his shoe back on.

Ben snorted in amusement. “For a big guy, he’s kind of a sissy,” he said.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “I know, but that’s why he’s so big,” he explained. “He’s trying to hide just how girly he actually is,” he added before looking up and smiling at Sam, who was wearing a scowl.

“Checkout is this way,” Sam said, turning and walking away from them both.

Dean looked down at Ben and both of them shared a grin before following Sam’s ginourmous frame to the other side of the store. As they walked, Dean put his arm around Ben’s shoulders, both to guide him and to make sure he was still there. He didn’t realise just how scared he’d been that something had happened to Ben until he’d seen him step out of that cubicle, safe and sound. His heart had almost burst out of his chest.

He was determined to not let him out of his sight now. Wouldn’t be too hard. They’d go to the diner that was a short drive from Bobby’s and get some food there. It’d be nice and quiet and it would be extremely difficult to sneak up on them in there.

Or so he’d thought.

When they got to the diner, everything was as it usually was, if maybe a little quieter than normal. But then, it was a Tuesday afternoon, so wasn’t like it was rush hour or anything.

Their food arrived without any incident; they even went to the bathroom without anything untoward happening. In fact, it all went so well that both Dean and Sam started to relax a little.

“Thanks, Dean,” Ben said as they stood up to get ready to leave.

“What for?” Dean asked him.

“For buying me all this stuff. I know you don’t have a lot of money, and Mom always said I should say thank you when somebody gives me stuff,” he explained with a shrug as he pulled on his jacket.

“Hey,” Dean said as he crouched down, “I know you’re still trying to get used to it, but I’m your dad. It’s my job to buy you stuff and, weirdly, I kind of wanted to anyway. You deserve a little something nice, we both do. And I don’t know about you, but that burger was nice, right?”

Ben grinned. “Yeah, it was great.”

“Alright,” Dean said as he stood back up again, clapping him on the shoulder, but before he could step away, Ben wrapped his arms around his middle and hugged him. He was so taken by surprise that he was unable to do anything but hug back.

When Ben pulled back, he gave Dean one last smile before going to follow Sam, who was waiting at the counter to pay. Dean watched him for a second before moving to follow after him. But as he did, something weird and terrifying happened.

Ben disappeared.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Two hours later, Dean stormed into Bobby’s, Sam trudging in behind him.

“No sign of him then?” Bobby asked Sam.

Sam shook his head, “There was no sign of anything, no demons, no ghosts, witches… nothing.”

“What about angels?” Bobby asked as they made their way into the living room, where Dean was pacing back and forward, his phone to his ear. “Far as I know, they’re the only creatures that can make people disappear into thin air.”

“We didn’t see any,” Sam admitted. “But they shouldn’t have been able to find any of us. And if it was them, then surely they would’ve taken Dean too.”

“Cas!” Dean shouted into his phone as he continued to pace. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to get hold of you for hours! Ben’s gone. No, he disappeared… Bobby’s. We…” Dean cut himself off as he walked right into Castiel, who had just appeared in front of him.

“What happened?” Castiel asked, looking more panicked and human than any of them had ever seen before.

“We were at the diner down the road and when we went to pay, he just vanished.”

Castiel stared at Dean for a second, the look on his face indiscernible to Sam before he vanished.

”FUCK!” Dean shouted.

“Hey, Dean, come on. He’s probably just gone to check out the diner,” Sam said as he stepped forward and placed a hopefully calming hand on his shoulder.

Dean jerked away from him and paced again for a couple of seconds before collapsing onto the couch. “It’s my fault,” he said. “It was too dangerous to take him out. We should’ve just gone without him.”

“Oh yeah, ’cause he would’ve been so happy about that,” Bobby said. “He’s been stuck here for weeks. There’s only so many times he can climb the cars.”

“You let him climb the cars?” Dean asked, horrified as he jumped to his feet once more. “What if he had fallen? He could’ve broken his neck!”

Bobby rolled his eyes at him and turned around. “I need a drink,” he grumbled as he made his way across the hall to where he kept his stash.

Dean scowled at the back of his head before looking up to Sam. “We gotta find him, Sam,” he said. “What if he’s been taken someplace dark? You know how scared he is of the dark now.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, “I know. And don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

Castiel chose that moment to appear again.

“Well?” Dean asked.

“There were definitely no demons there,” he confirmed.

“So then who? Angels?” Dean asked as Bobby started back in, large bottle of whisky in hand.

Castiel nodded slowly. “A very powerful angel,” he told them, “In fact, I believe the only one more powerful to be Michael.”

Dean, Sam and Bobby all froze, all coming to the same conclusion at the same time.

“He’ll kill him,” Dean whispered.

Castiel stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. “No. I don’t believe so,” he said.

“Come on, Cas,” Dean said as he pulled away. “He’s one of Michael’s vessels. Lucifer is gonna do whatever he can to stop Michael from even getting inside one vessel. Why wouldn’t he kill him?”

“Because he’s my nephew,” Sam said, making them all turn to him. “He knows that if he harms Ben, he’ll ruin any chance he might’ve had for me to say yes.”

“That and you are the stronger vessel, Dean,” Castiel added. “He’d want to destroy you first.”

Dean let out a pain-filled sigh and fell back onto the couch, and while Sam stepped forward to try to comfort or reassure him, Castiel beat him to it, crouching down in front of Dean and brushing a light hand through his hair to make him look up at him. Dean’s hands had settled on Castiel’s forearms as he listened to whatever it was Castiel was whispering to him. It was, to say the least, very bizarre to see them like this.

After a week of Dean all but ignoring Castiel and the angel, in return, being very abrupt with Dean, to see them practically clinging to each other like, well like lovers, was a bit hard to grasp. However, from what Dean had told him earlier that morning, it seemed that maybe this was the way they usually were with one another, when they were on their own, at least.

Castiel stood back up and turned to face Sam and Bobby, but left a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I will go and see if I can collect anymore information.”

“From where?” Sam asked curiously.

“I have my sources,” he said. “In the meantime, I suggest you contact the prophet. He may have seen something and may be able to help.”

Dean jumped to his feet at that. “I swear if he knew Ben was gonna get taken…”

“Dean, I’m positive he didn’t. He would’ve contacted you had he known. That doesn’t mean he’s not seen something else that may be of use.”

Dean let out a slow breath to calm himself before nodding.

“I will be back as soon as I can,” Castiel added to Dean as he gently stroked his face. “We will get him back safely, Dean. I give you my word.”

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

“Now that I think about it, I did see something, but not much,” Chuck said over the phone. “All I saw was a couple of junked up cars and engine parts, a diner and the Impala. I didn’t think anything of it. It didn’t feel like a normal premonition,” he added.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. He’d had to take the phone off of Dean after he just let out a load of abuse at the poor guy without even asking him if he saw anything.

“Well, usually I can feel whatever the person or being in my head feels, letting me know whose eyes I’m seeing through. But this time, I didn’t feel anything. It’s why I thought I was just having a normal dream, or else I swear I would’ve called you.”

Sam sighed. “So you think he knew we’d be at Bobby’s? And that he went looking from there? That’s how he found us?”

“Probably,” Chuck said. “It’s not exactly a secret that Bobby’s is your home away from home. And no matter how well it’s warded, everyone still knows where it is. Just like they know what kind of car you drive.”

Sam knew this was true; they should’ve known better than to think that their relationship with Bobby would be a secret, hell, it was in the gospels, after all. “Okay, thanks Chuck,” Sam said. “You see anything else you call us, okay?”

“Will do,” Chuck told him before hanging up.

“Well?” Dean asked.

“The premonition he had was different from all his others, so he thought it was just a weird dream, didn’t see it for what it really was,” Sam explained as he sat down across from him.

Dean sighed and rested his head in his hand as he thought things through. “He’s got no idea where he is then?”

“No,” Sam said, “but he’ll call if he does and he said he’ll get Becky to check through the recent gospels he’s written to see if she can see something he missed.”

“So what do we do now?” Bobby asked curiously.

“Wait for Cas to get back, check the wards on this place,” Sam said as he stood back up.

“Check the wards?”

Sam nodded. “They all know this is where we come to lay low. It’s how he found us.”

“Christ,” Dean hissed, “he’s probably been watching the place for weeks. Just waiting for Ben to step outside the wards so he could grab him.”

“Look,” Sam said as he stepped over to him, “This isn’t your fault. You weren’t to know.”

“But I should’ve,” Dean said as he stood up, too. “I should’ve known better.”

“You just wanted to spoil your son,” Sam told him. “I did, too. So we’re both as much at fault as each other.”

Dean didn’t reply to that, didn’t get the chance to before Castiel reappeared.

“Cas?” Dean asked as he took in his ruffled appearance and bleeding knuckles. “What happened?”

“A demon,” he said, his face screwing up in pain. “My shoulder is dislocated.”

Dean and Sam exchanged a look of worry before rushing over to him. They wasted no time in popping it back in, both of them frowning even more when the sharp pain caused Castiel to groan loudly. He shouldn’t have felt anything at all.

“I was interrupted by another demon while questioning him,” Castiel explained as he flexed his shoulder a little and leaned towards Dean.

“You find anything out?” Dean asked as he led him over to the couch to sit down so he could check him over. “Before you got interrupted, that is?”

“We were right in our assumption that Lucifer wishes no harm to Ben,” Castiel said before breathing in sharply as Dean pressed against his ribs.

“So what’s he up to?” Dean asked as he began pulling Castiel’s shirt up to look at his stomach, trailing his fingers more gently over the badly bruised area than he had before.

“He wants to prove that he can be merciful,” Castiel said before he reached down and took hold of Dean’s wrist, stopping his movements. “Dean, I’m fine. They will heal.”

Dean didn’t look convinced, but he nodded anyway, dropping his hand onto Castiel’s knee instead.

“Merciful?” Sam asked, “What do you mean?”

Castiel tore his eyes away from Dean to look up at him. “He wants to prove to you that he is good, that he is trustworthy so that you will say yes.”

“You got any idea where he’s keeping him?” Bobby asked as Dean finally stood up and gave Castiel some space.

“Not at the moment, but I…I have an idea of how we can find out,” Castiel said as he turned to look at Sam once more.

Sam frowned and shifted a little uncomfortably, “What?”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Are you sure this will work?” Dean asked as he watched Castiel remove his coat and jacket and sit down on his bed.

“No. But we must try,” Castiel told him.

Dean nodded and leaned back against the wall. Sam was in his room getting ready for sleep, too. It had been decided that Sam would go to sleep and let Lucifer in. Castiel would be there also, and while they were under no illusions that Lucifer would not be able to feel his presence, they hoped that he would merely guard his words and nothing else.

“I didn’t think you slept,” Dean said as he watched Castiel take off his tie.

“I never used to,” Castiel admitted and Dean could see the fear in his eyes, the fear of falling, the fear of the unknown.

“It’s not all bad, you know,” Dean told him, “Being human. I mean, you get to live your life the way _you_ want to live it and not the way you’re told to, for starters.”

“Dean,” Castiel pleaded, “Now is not the time to discuss this.”

Dean nodded and let out small huff, “I know, I just… I can’t help myself.”

“I understand,” Castiel said as he stood up, “and I have been thinking about what you said. But any further discussion should be left for a time when your son is safe in his room across the hall.”

“Okay,” Dean all but whispered, trying his best not to hope that Cas was saying what he thought he was saying. “We’ll talk later.”

Castiel gave him a small smile before reaching down and taking hold of his hand, “Lay with me?” he asked.

“What?”

“I wish to lay with you while we sleep,” he told him. “It will help soothe me as well as protect me from Lucifer’s grasp,” he explained. “Please, Dean.”

“Um, okay,” Dean said with a nod as he kicked off his boots and let Castiel lead him towards the bed.

They lay down together on the bed, Castiel facing away from Dean as he pushed back against him. Dean reached down and pulled an old throw that Bobby’s wife had knitted up and over the both of them to keep them warm before wrapping his arm around Castiel’s waist and holding him close.

He felt Castiel stiffen a little as his hand connected with his ribs. “You still sore?” Dean asked him, feeling guilt over the fact that it was because of his stupidity that Castiel had confronted the demons and got himself injured.

“A little,” Castiel confessed. “They should be healed by the morning, though.”

Dean reached up and gently stroked his fingers through Castiel’s hair, making him physically relax against him. “You know, if you’re becoming human, you’re gonna have to take more care of yourself. Broken ribs take weeks to heal rather than hours.”

“I know,” Castiel admitted as Dean wrapped his arm around him once more and he took hold of his hand. “I shall try to be more careful from now on.”

“Good to know,” Dean told him as he placed a soft kiss on the back of Castiel’s neck and settled down to watch over him as he drifted off into sleep and went in search of Ben.

Dean knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight, or at least, not any time soon. Bobby, too. He had been volunteered to watch over Sam, to wake him if things started to go south. Dean would of course have liked nothing better than to join both Sam and Castiel, to help them, to protect them. But he knew that if he were to see Lucifer, even in dreamland, he might not be able to restrain himself.

He stared at the back of Castiel’s head, his nostrils filling with his scent as he felt Castiel’s breathing slow down and even out, showing that he had finally fallen asleep. He wasn’t sure if Sam would be sleeping yet or not, knowing that his nerves may have prevented him from relaxing enough, but he guessed Castiel would just wait for him anyway before he tried to make his way into his subconscious.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam had actually expected to wake up in his room at Bobby’s when he fell asleep, or at least, he expected that to be the setting for his dream with Lucifer. All his past dreams had taken place in whichever motel he’d been staying at the time.

But when his eyes opened, when he sat up, he had no idea where he was, except that it was some sort of fancy living room, one wall covered in books from floor to ceiling, the opposite having a large fireplace instead.

“Sam?”

Sam jumped at the sound of Castiel’s voice. Turning, he felt his eyebrows shoot up because Castiel wasn’t wearing his usual tax accountant get up, but was wearing jeans, boots and a slightly ragged looking knitted sweater, one that was far too big for him, while Dean’s pendant hung loosely around his neck.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Sam asked, feeling slightly amused.

Castiel shrugged. “I am always dressed this way in my dreams.”

“Really?” Sam asked. “All your dreams?”

Castiel blushed a little. “Well, not all of my dreams.”

“You know what,” Sam said as he held up his hand. “I really don’t need to know,” he told him, standing up. “So…can you feel him? Is he here?”

Castiel looked down at the ground, embarrassed. “Sam, I am human here.”

“You’re human?” Sam asked in shock, watching as Castiel just nodded in reply. “Um. Okay. That’s okay, you weren’t planning on fighting him anyway, right?”

“No, I wasn’t,” Castiel told him.

“That is good news to hear, little brother.”

Sam and Castiel both turned to see Lucifer standing watching them, an amused look on his face.

“So if you’re not here to fight me, why are you here, Castiel?” Lucifer asked as he slowly walked towards them.

“I came to see Ben,” he told him. “He is no doubt scared and seeing a friendly face, one he knows and trusts, will make him feel better, more at ease.”

Lucifer studied him closely for a moment, “And why would I do that?” he asked. “Just allow you to go speak with him?”

“You wish to speak with Sam alone, do you not?” Castiel asked. “And besides, I am no threat to you. I can’t even sense whether you have any wards around this place or if there are any other beings here. I’m completely harmless.”

Lucifer walked right up to him, taking a large sniff. “You smell like the Michael Sword.”

Castiel blushed slightly, but didn’t answer him, knowing the reason for that was probably because he had fallen asleep in Dean’s bed, in Dean’s arms.

“Fine,” Lucifer said with a bored sigh, “go down the hall, third door on the left. You have two minutes, Castiel. And I’ll be listening.”

Castiel nodded. “Thank you,” he said before almost running out of the room and towards where Ben was allegedly being kept. He just hoped it wasn’t a trap.

The hallway was empty, but Castiel knew that there were more than likely demons hiding in the shadows watching him, keeping an eye on his every move.

When he reached the door he’d been directed to, he pushed it open slowly, unhappy to see that while it wasn’t exactly pitch black, the two candles weren’t emitting a lot of light. Ben was surely terrified.

“Ben?” he asked gently, only hearing some scuffling from the far corner in answer. “Ben, it’s Castiel.”

“Castiel?” Ben’s voice called. “Is it really you?”

Castiel rushed over to him. “Yes Ben, it’s really me,” he said as he pulled him into a quick hug.

“You look different,” Ben told him.

“I’m human,” Castiel explained, making Ben frown at him. “We’re in your Uncle Sam’s dream,” he added.

“His dream?” Ben asked disbelievingly.

“I don’t have much time to explain,” Castiel told him. “Are you hurt anywhere?” he asked as he began to feel along his limbs.

“No, no. I’m okay,” Ben told him. “I’m just…it’s a bit dark in here.”

Castiel nodded. “I noticed. But don’t worry, your father and I will come for you soon. And we’ll take you home and keep you safe. I promise,” he told him as he took his hand.

Ben let out a quiet sob, but didn’t protest. “You won’t take too long, right?” he asked.

“I promise,” Castiel said. “You must be brave for us now. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Ben nodded and Castiel hugged him once more, trying to not show any fear as that wouldn’t help Ben at all.

And then, before he could look at him once more he was sitting up with a jolt, throwing Dean’s arm off of him as he took a shuddering breath.

“Cas?” Dean asked as he climbed up onto his knees beside him. “Cas, you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine,” Castiel told him as he took a deep breath and turned to Dean.

Dean reached up to rub his back gently, his hand working up to rest on his neck. “Did you see him? Is he okay?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. “He’s fine, but scared. The room he’s in isn’t well lit,” he admitted as he rubbed his eyes.

“You gave him the charm though, right?”

Castiel nodded, remembering how he had managed to quickly slip the charm around Ben’s wrist as he talked to him, pulling his sleeve down to hide it before he was pulled away. The charm in question, when used with the right spell, one which Castiel planned to conduct as soon as possible, would allow them to locate him rather accurately. It had actually been Sam’s plan, knowledge left over from his days spent in the company of Ruby; but as a group it had been decided it was too dangerous for Sam to actually carry out himself.

The charm consisted of a lock of Dean’s hair and the pendant from a necklace that had belonged to Lisa, the only thing that Ben had been able to rescue from their home before Castiel had brought him to Bobby’s.

“He has it on him,” Castiel told him. “I think he realises how important it is to keep it hidden.”

“Yeah, he’s a smart kid,” Dean said, a look of pride flitting across his face before it was replaced with worry once more.

“We will get him back,” Castiel said as he reached over and cupped Dean’s face.

They stared at each other for a moment, heat rising between them as they both began to move forward, closing the distance. However, before their lips could meet, the bedroom door burst open and they jumped apart as if stung.

“Cas, did you…” Sam paused as his eyes finally took in the scene in front of him. “Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No, Sammy,” Dean said defeatedly as he lifted the throw off of him and swung his legs off to the side, Castiel following his lead.

“Did you do it?” Sam asked Castiel, deciding to ignore what he’d just walked in on.

“Yes. We should begin the spell immediately,” he told him as he stood.

“What did old Lucy have to say?” Dean asked Sam as he pulled on his boots.

“The usual, he’s going to save this world from self-destruction. I was born for this, blah, blah, blah.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, “And you said?”

“That so long as he had Ben, I wouldn’t even think about it. And if he hurt him, I’d find a way to block him from my dreams, too.”

“Which we should do anyway,” Castiel added as he pulled his own shoes on and stood to follow both Sam and Dean down the stairs.

“He’s right, you know,” Dean added.

“Yeah, I know,” Sam nodded as he turned around.

“Uh, Sam, can you get everything together? I need to have a quick word with Cas here.”

Sam smiled knowingly at him. “Sure,” he nodded before stomping down the hall.

“Dean?” Castiel asked curiously.

“Do you really…have you really changed your mind?”

Castiel sighed. “No,” Castiel said. “I’m unsure of what I’ve decided. I know what I want, but I’ve been trying to deny it for so long that to succumb to my desires feels…”

“If you say wrong I’m going to hit you,” Dean told him, “’cause what we feel can’t be wrong.”

Castiel stepped forward and gently stroked his hand down Dean’s face before softly placing the smallest of kisses on his lips. “It is anything but wrong,” he told him before stepping past him and following Sam down the stairs.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

“Your hand,” Castiel said to Dean as he hovered over the map that was spread out on Bobby’s kitchen table.

Dean automatically gave him his hand, which Castiel took in one of his own as he held a large knife in the other. Unexpectedly though, Castiel didn’t slice his hand like Dean had thought he would, instead merely pricked his thumb.

Castiel gave him a smug smile as he held his hand above the map, letting the blood drip onto it. When the first drop hit, he began to chant in what Dean soon recognised was Latin. When the tenth drop hit (one for every year of Ben’s age), Castiel stopped chanting and let go of Dean’s hand. Then together, they all watched as the small pool of blood began to move across the map, being pulled in the direction of Ben’s location.

It took all of thirty seconds, but soon the blood had settled in the middle of the Mojave Desert before turning to fire and leaving a pinpoint-sized hole.

“This is where he is.”

“In the middle of the desert?” Bobby asked disbelievingly.

“Be thankful he’s kept him on this continent,” Castiel said as he put the map back down.

“He probably wants us to go after him then, right?” Sam said. “Otherwise, he would keep him where we couldn’t reach him, at least not easily.”

Castiel nodded. “But then he may also think my powers have diminished so far that I’d be unable to help you find him, let alone take you to him.”

Dean, who had been sucking on the wound to his thumb, let out a small huff of frustration that was almost inaudible at hearing Castiel’s words. Sure, he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of Castiel becoming human, it would mean that he wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon. But if he was human, he’d definitely not be able to go home. He’d be miserable and would probably hold it against Dean for the rest of his life.

“Let’s gear up, then,” Sam said, breaking the silence.

“Wait,” Dean said, “you’re not going.”

“What?” Sam asked. “Dean you need me. Ben needs me.”

“Yeah, exactly. Which is why you’re staying here.”

“Dean I…”

“You’re his vessel!” Dean snapped. “Confronting him in your sleep is one thing, but face to face? He’ll never let you go.”

“It’s true,” Castiel said. “And with you there, once he has you, he has no reason not to kill the rest of us.”

Sam huffed but backed down. “Fine. I’ll stay here and…put up Ben’s net or something.”

“See?” Dean said. “Told you Ben needs you. You won’t even need to use a stepladder or anything.”

Sam rolled his eyes at him.

“We should get ready,” Castiel said, interrupting their moment.

Dean had pretty much packed all the weapons he was going to take with him the night before, and Castiel only had the one, which he kept tucked up his sleeve.

“You know you should probably take this,” Dean said to him as he held out a small gun. “Iron bullets.”

Dean was sure that Castiel would say no; that he would tell him that he didn’t need it, but he surprised all of them by simply nodding and tucking it into the back of his pants, much in the same way he’d seen Dean do many times before. It was just another sign of how human he was becoming; he couldn’t rely on his own powers and combat skills to defend himself anymore.

“We ready?” Dean asked as he pulled his jacket on and slung his bag over his shoulder. It had an extra sweater for Ben and some first aid supplies, just in case.

Castiel nodded and stepped forward, his eyes connecting with Dean’s for a split second before he brought two fingers up and tapped him on the forehead. Dean squeezed his eyes shut as the familiar feeling of being tugged forward like he was caught on some giant fishing rod washed over him again. He just had time to start getting dizzy when it stopped.

When he opened his eyes, they were standing in the middle of the desert, red sand and rock everywhere.

“Gotta say, I’m a bit disappointed we came all this way and there’s not even one Joshua tree in sight,” he quipped as he let his eyes adjust to the early morning sun.

“Look behind you,” Castiel said.

Dean turned around. “What is that? Some kind of bomb shelter?”

“I’m not sure what it is,” Castiel said, “but it’s emanating an unnatural aura. If Lucifer is here, then that’s where he’s keeping Ben.”

Dean studied it before doing a three-sixty, taking in the rest of their surroundings. “Only one way in and out,” he noted. “I don’t like it Cas.”

“Neither do I,” Castiel told him, “but what choice do we have?”

Dean turned to look at him once more. “Can you teleport us in there?” he asked.

Castiel closed his eyes as he concentrated on feeling out the protection that was surrounding the underground bunker. “No,” he finally said, “the wards won’t let me.”

“You can get in there though, right? Just not teleport in?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“Right. Well, no point wasting anymore time out here,” Dean said as he racked his shotgun and headed in the direction of the one and only door in and out of that place.

As they approached, Dean couldn’t help but think that the distinct lack of demons outside guarding the entrance should be a dead giveaway that this was a trap. But Castiel seemed optimistic, so he was going to go with it.

The door was old and rusted, held closed with a single even rustier padlock. Castiel wrapped his hand around it and gave it a sharp tug, pulling it apart. He threw it behind him onto the sand before allowing Dean to slip in front of him and slowly ease the door open.

Dean took his time, checking to make sure there wasn’t anyone hiding in the shadows by taking out his hip flask and flicking holy water into the darkness. There was nothing and so, deeming it safe, he led the way inside.

It was darker than expected inside, but the stairwell to their left did have a small light emitting from the bottom of it. Dean gestured to Cas with his head, asking if this was the right way. Castiel nodded and stepped in front of him, unsheathing his knife as he did so.

They slowly and silently made their way down, listening for any sound, any clue of what they might be up against. But there was nothing but the sound of industrial fans, filtering air from the surface down into the bowels of whatever the hell this place actually was.

The stairs seemed to go on forever, but eventually, they hit the bottom, where they stood looking out at a long hallway. Dean looked to Castiel for guidance on this one, which was just as well as it seemed that Castiel knew where he was going.

He stepped forward, slowly walking along the corridor and trying not to make any noise. As they got about half way down, they halted as the sound of classical music hit their ears. Dean raised an eyebrow at Castiel in question, but Castiel merely pointed to the door on the left where the music was coming from before carrying on his way.

Dean let Castiel lead, keeping his eyes open in the dull light for any sign of demons or archangels. He couldn’t see anything, but his spidey sense was telling him that there was definitely something there, he just couldn’t pin point it. However, Castiel soon stopped at a door and gestured to Dean that this was where Ben was being kept. Dean felt his breath rushing into his lungs in anticipation. He wanted nothing more than to just grab his son and run, but he knew they were going to have to be careful about this.

Castiel slowly pushed the door open and peered inside. As before, it was fairly dark, only lit by two large candles. Looking to where Ben had been last time, he spotted him curled up in the corner again. When Ben looked up to him, Castiel raised his finger to his lips to tell him to be quiet and Ben nodded.

“Stay,” Castiel then mouthed to Dean, who nodded, agreeing to keep watch for anyone coming.

Castiel moved swiftly, going over to Ben and checking him for injuries much like last time. He luckily wasn’t chained to the wall nor had a locking charm over him; however, Castiel didn’t doubt that there would be an alarm at the door to this room that would let Lucifer know if he stepped out of it.

When he was sure that Ben was okay, Castiel pulled him up and marched him over to the door. When he pulled it back to show Dean, Ben couldn’t hold back the grin that spread onto his face. Dean grinned back before pulling Ben into a tight hug.

Castiel stood behind Ben and watched the two of them embrace. While they had really only known each other for a week, the two of them had forged an almost impenetrable bond. It made him feel a warmth inside his chest that he hadn’t felt before, and while it was alien to him, he also enjoyed it and hoped that one day, maybe he could have that same bond with Ben.

Eventually though, Dean pulled free and handed Ben Ruby’s knife for defence, although neither Dean nor Castiel intended to allow him into a situation where he would need to use it.

Clapping Ben on the shoulder, Dean stood up and locked eyes with Castiel. They both nodded once and Dean took hold of Ben’s free hand. And then, together, they stepped over the threshold of the room and ran.

They ran as fast as Ben’s shorter legs would go, which was actually very fast. They flew past the door with the music and started to think that, yeah, they could make it when a demon appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Dean didn’t even think twice, raising his gun and firing. It didn’t kill the demon, of course, but knocked him off his feet enough that Castiel was able to jump forward with his knife and end him.

“Go!” he shouted to Dean as he began to fight off another demon that had grabbed him from behind.

Dean was reluctant to leave him, but Castiel, even in his weakened state, was stronger than these demons, so he bent down and lifted Ben up as he began to climb the stairs with as much speed as he could muster. The stairs, weirdly, didn’t seem to be as long going up, which was somewhat a relief. Could be because he was going quicker or it could just be the adrenaline. Whatever it was, Dean couldn’t really bring himself to care.

As they neared the top, he could hear footsteps behind him.

“Who’s following us?” he asked Ben, as he couldn’t afford to slow down to look behind him.

“It’s Castiel,” Ben said, a sense of relief in his voice.

However, just as Castiel caught up to them, one flight down from the surface, two more demons came at them from above and another from below. Dean immediately put Ben down and sprang into action, going for the bigger of the two at the front while shouting to Ben to stab the other.

Ben hesitated for a split second, the skank cackling menacingly at him before he lunged forward and stabbed her in the foot. The demon looked down at him in confusion before she sparked out of life.

“Ben!” Dean shouted, holding out his hand as his gun had been knocked to the ground and he was doing his best to hold down the other demon with his other hand. Ben tossed him the knife and Dean made quick work of stabbing the demon in the gut, finishing him off. However, just as he did that, an almighty scream, a scream belonging to Castiel, filled the air.

They both turned to see that the demon Castiel had been fighting had stabbed him, a large metal stake sticking out of his shoulder. But while it had obviously pained Castiel, it didn’t seem to hold him back as he raised his knife and stabbed the demon in the throat, sending it straight back to Hell.

“You okay?” Dean asked him when the body dropped.

Castiel nodded. “We must go,” he said as he started to climb over the bodies, Dean grabbing Ben and pulling him away from them up to the exit.

As they stepped out into the sunlight, Castiel made a groaning sound as he pulled the stake from his shoulder and dropped it onto the sand. He was about to raise his hands to both Dean and Ben’s foreheads when someone spoke.

“Oh, dear. That doesn’t look too good. You should get that looked at, Castiel.”

Turning, the three of them saw Lucifer standing nearby, watching them with an amused look on his face.

“Lucifer, you have to let us go,” Castiel said as he stepped in front of Dean and Ben. “Sam will not listen to anything you have to say if you keep us here or hurt any of us.”

“I know,” Lucifer said with a nod. “Hurting Benjamin and Dean was never my intention,” he told him before his eyes flicked down towards Castiel’s shoulder.

“What did you do?” Dean growled.

“Me? I didn’t do anything. I believe it was Simon who stabbed him,” Lucifer told him. “Although, I suppose I can be blamed for luring you here. But it’s not my fault you let your guard down enough to let that happen.”

Castiel felt his blood run cold with fear. “What have you done to me?” he asked Lucifer, dizziness sweeping over him quickly.

“Nothing that wasn’t happening already,” he said. “I just sped it along,” he added as he stepped up to Castiel and gently stroked his face. “Such a shame. Had you accepted my invitation, brother, you could’ve been powerful enough to smite all those who threatened your beloved Dean. And no one would care if you fornicated or not, no one would dare to question it.”

“Lucifer…”

Lucifer stepped back and smiled at them all. “Go,” he said, “before I change my mind. Oh and Castiel, be thankful. Not all of those who fall are as lucky as you.”

And then he was gone, leaving the three of them standing in the desert staring at an empty space.

“What’s happening?” Ben asked as he looked from Castiel to Dean, who each looked just as worried as the other.

Castiel reached up to his shoulder, hissing slightly at the pain. “I’m not entirely sure, Ben,” he said, “but I think we should return to Bobby’s before I become too weak.”

“Cas…” Dean said as he stepped forward.

“Later, Dean,” Castiel told him as he raised his hand to both their heads and took them all back to Bobby’s.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as they appeared back in Bobby’s living room, Castiel let out a pain-filled groan as his hand shot to his wounded shoulder and he fell to his knees.

“Cas?” Dean asked as he rushed to his side.

“I’m fine,” Castiel panted. “I just, give me a moment.”

Dean stared at him for a second before telling Ben to get Sam and Bobby. Ben started running through the house, shouting at the top of his voice for them. Dean put Castiel’s good arm around his neck and hefted him up to sit onto the couch.

“Dean, please…”

“Just shut up and let me take a look at you,” Dean told him. “Trust me, it’ll be easier for all of us.”

Castiel seemed to realise the truth in his words, going slack in Dean’s grasp as Ben came back with Sam and Bobby in tow.

“What the hell happened?” Bobby asked.

“He got stabbed with some kind of poison,” Dean told them as he used shaky hands to loosen Castiel’s tie.

“You’ll need to irrigate it,” Bobby said as he about turned. “I’ll get the kit.”

Dean tried to help Castiel out of all his layers, but the muscle was seizing up, making it harder for Dean whose hands were becoming more and more unsteady.

“A little help here, Sammy!” he barked, making a startled Sam jump and spring into action.

He took two quick strides over to the couch and began to help Dean ease Castiel out of his clothing, grimacing as the wound was revealed to them.

“Shit,” Dean hissed.

“I’m fine,” Castiel panted, leaning into Dean as if unable to hold himself up.

“Ben, go get Cas a glass of water,” Dean told him before turning to Castiel. “Hey, hey, look at me.”

Castiel looked up at him through heavy eyes as Bobby came back in. Castiel’s chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. “It burns,” he whispered.

“Well yeah, looks like someone poured acid all over you,” Dean said.

“No,” Castiel said with a shake of his head, “inside. It burns all the way through.”

Dean looked up at Sam, who had gone almost as pale as Castiel. Whatever this was, whatever Lucifer had done to him, Sam had to know, or at least have his suspicions.

“Sam?” he asked as they lay Castiel down on the couch so that Bobby had better access to him. “You know something?”

Sam shook his head. “Not really,” he said, “Just… last night, Lucifer said something about taking out the guard dog.”

“And you didn’t say anything ‘til now?” Dean snapped. “If he dies…”

“He won’t die,” Sam snapped back, before looking down at Castiel. “I’m not sure he’ll come out the other end the same, though.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know,” Sam told him honestly.

Dean growled in frustration before turning back to Bobby, helping him clean and irrigate the wound. It wasn’t actually that big or that deep, but once all the poison had been washed away, it had left an angry, inflamed area. Bobby patched him up as best he could, Castiel only just being able to stay conscious through it all.

When he was done, Bobby moved back from him, letting Dean have all the access he needed.

“Hey,” he said as he gently stroked Castiel’s hair, noticing how he was feeling hotter than usual. “It still burning?”

Castiel nodded weakly, unable to talk. Dean stared down at him for a moment before helping him sit up. He let Castiel rest back against his chest as a worried Ben handed him the water he had retrieved. Gently, Dean helped Castiel take a few sips, which he thankfully didn’t choke on.

The water didn’t seem to help any, though, as Castiel’s breathing remained laboured, his skin flushed and his hands fisted as he tried to work through the pain.

“Might be best if you put him somewhere comfortable,” Bobby said quietly.

Dean nodded, knowing it was true. He was loath to move him, but he would be more comfortable in a bed than here on the couch. He stood up and gently scooped Castiel up into his arms, terrified at just how light he felt.

“Ben, go ahead of us and open the door,” he told his son as he turned.

Ben bolted up the stairs, eager to help in any way, running past Sam as he did so. As Dean made to follow in his footsteps, Sam reached out to him. “Dean I…”

“Save it,” Dean said. “Work on finding a way to fix this instead.”

Sam nodded and let him go, allowing Dean to make his way up to his room, where he found Ben turning down the sheets, frantically trying to make the bed as comfortable as possible for Castiel.

Dean placed him down as gently as he could, frowning as Castiel groaned in pain once more. “Sorry, Cas,” he said as softly as he could.

“It’s all right, Dean,” Castiel whispered. “Not your fault.”

Dean watched him for a moment before deciding to take off the rest of Castiel’s clothes and put him in some sleep pants instead, to make him as comfortable as possible. But as he made to go for his belt, he realised that Ben was still there.

“Hey, kiddo, why don’t you head downstairs?” he said. “Bobby and Sam will want to check you’re okay.”

Ben nodded and moved towards the door but paused before turning back and hugging Dean tight. “Thanks for coming for me.”

“Of course I was going to come for you,” Dean said as he wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him. “You’re my boy.”

“Castiel got hurt cause of me,” Ben said with a small sob.

“No,” Castiel gasped from the bed, reaching out with his hand for Ben.

Ben pulled back from Dean and took it with one of his own, wiping his face with the other.

“I’m sorry, Castiel.”

“Wasn’t you,” Castiel said as he reached up and gently stroked his face. “It was Lucifer. Whatever happens, promise me you’ll remember that.”

Ben nodded. “I promise,” he said.

Castiel gave a small smile and dropped his hand.

“Go on now,” Dean said. “You can come back up when Cas is feeling a bit better.”

Ben nodded and finally made his way down the stairs, leaving Dean alone with Castiel. He moved over to the bed and gently stroked his hair once more. “We’ll fix this,” he told him. “I promise you, I’m not gonna let you die on me.”

Castiel smiled at him. “I know,” he said. “I love you too.”

Dean returned his smile before he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. He heard Castiel breathe out a small contented sigh, but when he pulled back, his eyes were closed. He had passed out. Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about that, whether it was a good thing or not. He decided to go with good as he couldn’t bear to bring himself to think about the bad.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Dean stayed with him for a couple of hours, watching him as he slept. He was definitely sleeping, his chest was rising and falling as he breathed (which was weird in itself as angels didn’t breathe) and his eyes were fluttering in REM. But at least he was still alive; that was something.

Sam came up to check on him once, but Dean had just grunted at him to leave them alone. He would’ve stayed in there with him longer, but nature was calling and so he’d had to move. He promised himself it was only for a moment, though. He couldn’t bring himself to think of Cas in there on his own.

However, when he came out of the bathroom, Sam was there, leaning against the far wall, waiting for him.

“Bobby made soup,” he said as he held out a steaming hot mug.

Dean nodded and took it from him. “You able to figure out what’s up yet?”

Sam shook his head. “I’m trying to remember exactly what Lucifer said. But it’s becoming more and more vague. I think he’s clouding the memory or something,” he admitted. “But Dean, I’m so sorry. I know how much Castiel means to you…”

Dean held his hand up. “You think you know, but you don’t,” he told him. “So don’t patronise me.”

Sam sighed. “I’m not trying to patronise you, Dean, I’m just trying to be a good brother,” he explained. “He’s the soul that changed your life, right? The one you were telling me about last week?”

Dean stared down at his mug and nodded, thinking back to the pure blue light that he had witnessed upon their first meeting. Castiel’s true image.

“He was beautiful, you know,” he said quietly. “Down there in the dark, amongst all the screaming and the blood, he brought so much light, so much warmth. He made me feel so much. Like a whole big chunk of me was missing until he reached out and touched me and I just… I need him, Sam.”

Sam reached out and wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulders, pulling him close and letting him sob quietly onto his shoulder. It was testament to just how important Castiel was to Dean, just how much the thought of losing him hurt, that he would allow himself to break down like this in front of Sam.

“Look uh, you’ve been up all night,” Sam said. “Ben’s just gone for a nap, why don’t you go join him? I’ll watch over Castiel for you.”

Dean nodded. “Just give me a couple of hours, though,” he said as he handed the mug back to Sam. “And come and get me if anything happens. And I mean anything.”

“You have my word,” Sam told him, watching as Dean made his way back down the hall towards Ben’s room.

When he entered, Ben sat bolt upright in his bed, holding out Ruby’s knife in defence. As proud as Dean felt that he thought to take the weapon and keep it under his pillow, it nearly broke his heart to realise that Ben obviously felt that he had to.

“Just me,” Dean said as he closed the door and Ben put the knife back under his pillow. “How you doin? You get something to eat?” he asked as he sat down on the bed with him.

“Yeah, Uncle Bobby made soup,” he said. “And he gave me pie.”

“Awesome,” Dean said with a grin as he pulled him close. “So, you getting some shut eye?”

Ben shrugged. “I was trying to, but I can’t sleep.”

“Why not?” Dean asked curiously as he lay down, Ben following him so that they were both lying on their backs, staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m worried about Castiel,” he admitted. “And you.”

“Me? Why are you worried about Me?”

“’Cause you care about Castiel,” he explained. “Lucifer said that you love him. So I know that you’ll be upset if anything bad happens to him.”

Dean sighed and closed his eyes. “Yeah, but I’m not gonna let anything happen to him,” he said. “And he knows that I’ll be mad at him if he doesn’t wake up, so he’ll wake up.”

Ben didn’t reply but turned into him, draping an arm over Dean’s middle and lying with his face flat in the pillow, reminding Dean of how he usually slept. How Lisa was able to keep her face straight when she said that he wasn’t Dean’s he’d never know. Woman deserved an Oscar.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Dean was sitting in his room, head in his hand as he waited for Castiel to wake up.

Castiel hadn’t stirred for three days. He had, however, moaned a little in his sleep as he dreamed or experienced pain. Dean wasn’t sure which; he hoped it was a dream, though.

They’d kept a close eye on his wound, changing the dressings every day and were pleased to see that it had even healed a little, what was left of Castiel’s grace doing its job.

But then Castiel had started to get sweats, his temperature rising. They had checked his wound for infection, but there were no signs there, so the fever had to have been coming from elsewhere; they just didn’t know where. Dean though, kept hearing the eerie echo of ‘burning’ in his ears whenever he looked at Castiel.

When Dean had finally joined them all downstairs and explained to Bobby and Sam about what Lucifer had said, Sam had put that together with what he could remember Lucifer saying to him and came up with the idea that maybe he was speeding up the process of Castiel falling. Dean hoped that wasn’t it, though. It was one thing for Castiel to slowly be able to accept that he was becoming human, but to have it thrust on him like this? It would traumatise him.

Luckily though, after two days, his temperature had finally spiked last night and had been coming down all day. But now, instead of red and sweaty, he looked pale and fragile and Dean wanted nothing more than to hold him in his arms and protect him from all the hurt that was bound to come. Reaching forward, he slowly stroked his fingers through Castiel’s hair, noting that it actually felt dirty, rather than soft like it had the previous few days. He wasn’t surprised, though, the guy had been sweating a lot over the past seventy-two hours and had even needed a quick… well, he didn’t like to use the term sponge bath, but Dean had had to give him a couple of quick washes, as he’d started to smell.

Sighing, he dropped his hand and sat back on his chair, choosing to just watch him instead.

“Dad?”

Dean looked up in surprise at Ben’s voice.

“Uncle Sam says you have to eat,” he said as he came in with a plate of sandwiches and a glass of orange juice for him.

“Thanks,” Dean said with a small smile as he took it off him and set it on the bedside drawers. “I’m not hungry right now, but I’ll keep it for later.”

Ben stood and watched him for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something, so Dean gestured for him to come over to him and pulled him up onto his knee. He knew that Ben was probably a bit big for sitting on his dad’s knee, but it was something he had done with Sam up until he was thirteen.

“You know, you don’t have to call me Dad,” he said. “I already told you that.”

“I know,” Ben said. “But, I think you do deserve it. You came and rescued me, you take care of me and you let me stay up late.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that.

“You know, Mom had boyfriends,” Ben said as he watched Castiel. “None of them were very nice, or wanted to spend any time with me. So I’ve never really had a proper dad before, but I think you’re doing a good job.”

“Well I’ve never had a son before,” Dean told him. “But I know you’re doing an excellent job at that.”

Ben smiled and settled back against Dean’s side as they both watched Castiel for a moment.

“Is Castiel your boyfriend?” Ben asked suddenly.

Dean could feel himself blush as he cleared his throat. “I uh… I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “We never really got the chance to talk about it. But I hope that when he wakes up that he’ll want the job.”

“I think he will,” Ben told him. “When you weren’t here, he’d talk about you all the time. Uncle Bobby used to roll his eyes and call him an idjit, but I think he just missed you.”

“Well, I guess he’s gotta wake up first before I can ask him.”

Ben smiled and hopped down off his knee. “Uncle Sam is gonna come check on you in a bit, so you better eat your lunch.”

Dean nodded. “Thanks for the heads up.”

Happy that his job was done, Ben made his way to the door, but paused just before walking out. “He’ll wake up, you know,” he said, watching as Dean’s eyes became soft and he turned to look at Castiel before finally leaving them alone again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning after breakfast, and after updating the others on how Castiel had been during the night (no change), Dean left Ben with Sam, who was going through some math with him, and made his way up to Castiel. He was carrying his freshly laundered clothes with him, deciding that he’d actually put a pair of sweat pants on Castiel today instead of just the t-shirt and the underwear.

He had never once thought that he’d ever have to nurse anyone like this. That he’d have to wash and dress them and watch over them. Well, he’d done it for Sam when he was little, but this was different. Castiel was sick, unable to do anything for himself and when you loved someone like Dean loved him, then there was no question about what needed to be done, no doubts in his mind that this was his duty.

Pushing open the door to his bedroom, he froze and dropped the basket of clean laundry on the floor, as there, sitting up in the bed, staring at his hands as if they were the most fascinating things in the world, was Castiel.

“Cas?” he whispered.

Castiel looked up at him. “Dean,” he answered, “I’m… I think, well I actually I don’t think, I know.”

“Know what?”

“I’m human.”

Dean swallowed hard. If the pitch in Castiel’s voice was anything to go by, then yeah, he was definitely human. Gone was the low growly sound that he’d had before and back was Jimmy Novak’s voice.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said as he stepped forward and sat down on the edge of the bed. He reached up and stroked his fingers through Castiel’s extreme bedhead before cupping his face. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Um… thirsty I think and… hungry?” he asked, unsure if that was the right answer.

Dean smiled as he grabbed the bottle of water he’d been drinking from during the night and held it up to Castiel’s lips to drink from. “And your shoulder?”

Castiel swallowed and tilted his head to look down to where the white dressing was. “I don’t feel any pain,” he told him.

“Mind if I take a look?” Dean asked him.

“Not at all.”

Dean reached forward and as gently as he could, removed the tape and lifted the dressing off to reveal perfect, unblemished skin. He gently trailed his fingers over it, just to check and was hit by a shuddering breath from Castiel, whose eyes had fallen closed, his hands gripping on tight to Dean’s arm and knee… whatever he could reach.

As much as Dean wanted to keep touching it and watch Castiel come undone, he withdrew his hand and took hold of Castiel’s instead. “Tell you what, I’ll get Bobby to cook you something up and then I’ll help you take shower.”

“A shower?” Castiel asked curiously.

Dean nodded, “As much as I’ve been trying my best to wash all the sweat off of you, you’re still a little ripe. And trust me, a good shower will make you feel all kinds of better.”

“Okay,” Castiel said, “a shower it is, then.”

“Just wait here and I’ll be back in a second, okay?”

Castiel flopped back on the pillow and watched as Dean left the room. As Dean closed the bedroom door behind himself, he held onto it tight as he took a deep breath and failed to hold back a sob. Sure, Castiel was human now, but he was alive and his shoulder was all healed up and he was gonna be okay.

Taking a few more breaths to steady himself, Dean eventually made his way down the stairs and found Bobby in the kitchen cleaning up the breakfast dishes.

“Hey Bobby,” he said.

Bobby looked up at him and did a double take as he noticed the tear streaks on Dean’s fac., “What happened?” he asked. “Something up with the angel?”

Dean nodded. “He’s awake,” he said, “and, uh, Sam was right. He’s not an angel anymore.”

“Shit,” Bobby hissed.

“I know,” Dean agreed as he collapsed against the door frame. “He, uh, he says he’s hungry so I was wondering if you could maybe rustle him up some eggs or toast or something while I help him into the shower.”

“Sure, no problem,” Bobby said with a nod.

Dean gave him a thankful smile and turned to make his way back up to Castiel. When he got there, he almost burst out laughing as Castiel was stood in the middle of the bedroom, holding his underwear open and staring down at its contents.

“What’s so interesting?” Dean asked.

“Is this normal?” Castiel asked as he tilted his head to the side.

Realising that Castiel was inviting him to look, Dean leaned forward and actually did laugh this time. “Sure, Cas. That’s just some morning wood.”

Castiel frowned in confusion. “Morning what?”

“Morning wood. It’s, uh… it’s what you call your first erection after you’ve woken up. Every one gets it,” he explained as Castiel let his underwear go and it snapped back, the front tenting indecently. “But we don’t usually show it to others,” he added, “unless you’re involved with them or something.”

“Involved?”

“Yeah, you know, like lovers or married or something like that,” Dean said with a blush as he grabbed a towel for him from his wardrobe.

Castiel blushed, too, accepting the towel from Dean and holding it in front of him to hide his ‘morning wood’.

“Right, so, um, let’s go get you in the shower,” Dean said. “There’s a trick to getting the water at the right temperature, but I’ll show you how to get it right.”

Castiel nodded and followed Dean out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. It wasn’t a very big bathroom, but it had the basics. Toilet, sink, shower over the bath (which was actually a bit larger than normal), with a large frosted window that looked out over the junkyard.

“No matter what time of year it is, or how cold it is outside, you need to crack the window open to let the steam out or else Bobby will have your nuts on a plate,” Dean explained as he lifted the window open.

Castiel nodded and watched him closely.

“Hang your towel up there,” Dean said as he pointed to a radiator. “If it’s a cold morning, it’ll keep it nice and warm for you.”

Castiel did as he was told before following Dean over to the shower to be instructed on how to use it properly. From what Dean showed him, it didn’t look too difficult to try and get the right amount of heat from the water, but he could understand how it may cause some people trouble.

“Right, so now you just get in and wash yourself,” Dean said. “You can use my stuff,” he added as he pointed to the two bottles in the corner. “Remember to wash your hair, too.”

“Wash my hair?”

“Yeah, the green bottle,” Dean said. “It’s shampoo. Get a small amount of that and rub it into your hair until it’s all soapy, then rinse it out under the water until all the soap is gone. But make sure you don’t get any in your eyes. Then wash your body with the stuff in the black bottle, that’s shower gel. Once you’re all done, turn the water off and dry yourself with the towel. Wrap the towel round your body to uh, to hide that,” he added as he pointed to Castiel’s finally calmed down crotch, “then go back to our room and put on the stuff I’ll leave out for you.”

Castiel nodded, thankful for the instruction and made no mention to correct Dean’s slip of ‘our room’ as he started to push his underwear off. Dean wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten about the ‘only show those you’re involved with your junk’ speech already, or if he just didn’t care, but he excused himself anyway, telling Castiel not to be long as Bobby was making him breakfast.

Taking a few minutes to collect himself and banish all images of a naked Castiel from his brain, Dean went back down the stairs to see how the breakfast was coming along.

“Dad, is he really awake?” Ben asked when he walked into the kitchen, math lesson abandoned.

“Yeah, he’s in the shower,” Dean said with a smile.

“You’re letting him shower on his own?” Sam asked. “Doesn’t he need some help?”

“No. I told him what to do. He’s smart enough to figure out the rest,” Dean said, doing his best not to blush as Sam’s words accidentally put the filthiest of images in his head.

“Well, if water starts dripping through the ceiling, you’re paying for the repairs,” Bobby told him.

Dean just rolled his eyes at him as he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and awaited Castiel’s arrival.

“So, if he’s human now, does that mean he’ll be staying here with us?” Ben asked curiously.

“To start with, yeah,” Dean nodded, “But if he wants to go live on his own, then we have to let him.”

Ben smiled. “He won’t,” he said knowingly, making Dean blush and Sam raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

Conversation soon led to whether they would also have to train Castiel up on how to fight, but Dean didn’t think they would as he was pretty good with hand to hand combat. He’d just need to start working out like the rest of them and maybe get trained up properly in using a gun.

They had just got on to talking about whether he’d remember everything he knew from before, too, or whether his human brain just wouldn’t be able to handle that when the shuffling sound of Castiel’s footsteps hit their ears.

Castiel stepped into the kitchen, barefoot but wearing Dean’s sleep pants, one of his t-shirts and an old zip up hoodie that Dean hadn’t actually left out for him, but it’d been hanging up on the back of the door so he guessed he didn’t mind.

Ben immediately jumped up and went over to hug him, while Sam and Bobby settled for manly pats on the back and nods.

“Good to see you up and about,” Bobby told him as he set a plate of toast and scrambled eggs down on the table.

“Yeah, you gave us quite a scare,” Sam added.

“Thank you,” Castiel said with a nod as he sat down in front of the food. “I wish I could say I was scared myself but I was pretty much out cold until last night.”

“You woke up last night?” Dean asked him.

Castiel nodded. “I started to hear things yesterday, parts of conversations,” he said as he scratched at his chin, which Dean just realised could do with a shave. “I can’t really remember. When I finally opened my eyes last night, it was all silent and almost completely dark, but I could make out Dean sitting in that chair next to me, holding my hand.”

“I don’t remember that,” Dean said, ignoring the knowing looks the others gave him.

“Well, you wouldn’t,” Castiel said. “You were sleeping. I would’ve woken you up, but I didn’t want to disturb you. Then I fell asleep again as I watched you.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room as Dean and Castiel’s eyes connected and they just stared at each other for what seemed like hours.

“So, you’re human now?” Sam asked, breaking the silence. “How’s that sitting with you? You nauseous? Headache? Dizzy?”

Castiel shook his head as he took a bite of his eggs. “I feel fine,” he said honestly. “Which should worry me, but I think that whatever Lucifer had that demon stab me with wasn’t meant to do any lasting damage other than to make me human.”

“So you still remember stuff, then?” Sam asked. “About being an angel?”

Castiel scrunched up his fac., “Not all of it,” he said. “The big parts like battles and wars I remember, my trip into Hell to pull Dean out,” he added, missing the way both Sam and Dean squirmed uncomfortably at that. “But individual conversations that happened millennia ago, unimportant events… it’s all just a blur.”

“What about languages? Knowledge of other cultures?” Sam asked.

“Well I…”

“You know what,” Dean said as he interrupted, “poor guy’s just woke up to find himself human. Let him eat and you can ask questions later, once he’s rested.”

“Dean, I’m fine,” Castiel protested.

But Dean merely gave him a look that said he wasn’t arguing about this and that his word was final.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The rest of the day was spent with Castiel walking around, trying to get used to his new limbs, his new sight and hearing. Eating was also fun, but it had been decided that plain things would be best for his delicate stomach and he agreed, not wanting to fall sick on his first day as a human. In the afternoon, he’d fallen asleep for a few hours and while Dean was reluctant to leave him on his own, he knew it was ridiculous to carry on watching over him now that he was, well, okay.

While he slept, everyone else started to talk about why Lucifer had made him human. Why, out of all the angels, Castiel was the one to be forced to lose his grace. None of them were quite sure whether it was a trick or a tactical manoeuvre, but it was Ben that suggested the most likely answer.

“Maybe it was an experiment,” he said as he looked up over the book he’d been reading.

“What do you mean, kiddo?” Dean asked him.

“You know, to see if the poison worked so he could use it on the other angels.”

And so that evening, after Castiel had suffered through another round of questions from Sam and Bobby at dinner, Dean led him up the stairs to the bedroom, where he could talk to him privately.

They sat down on the bed together, facing each other as Dean told him about their theory of experimentation.

“It’s plausible,” Castiel said with a nod. “In fact, it’s the most likely reason.”

“Yeah, but wouldn’t he have wanted to keep you there where he could observe you or something?”

Castiel shook his head. “Angels can feel it when another loses their grace,” he said. “He just needs to confirm whether I survived or not.”

Dean frowned. “How would he do that? You don’t think he’d come here again? I mean, it’s not like you’re hidden from the angels like the rest of us. He could find you easily. They could all find you.”

“They don’t know my soul,” he said. “Yes, I’m not hidden from them, but they don’t know what they’re looking for, so it will take them longer to find me. We should tighten the wards, though,” he added as he looked up as if looking at said wards, “now that I’m human.”

Dean watched him for a moment, noticing how the laid back acceptance he’d been parading downstairs slowly disappeared to be replaced by a sadness that Dean just wished he could take away for him.

“I know it’s been a few months since I heard my brothers and sisters,” he said quietly, “but I never got used to the quiet. Not really. And now I’ll never hear them again.”

Reaching forward, Dean placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder, rubbing gently before settling his hand at the nape of his neck. “I know it’s not the same, but you’re not on your own,” he said. “You’re never going to be on your own.”

Castiel nodded mutely as he dropped his head to look at the floor, screwing his eyes shut to fight back the tears that were obviously fighting their way to the surface. Unable to just sit and watch him in such visible pain like that, he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

Turning into the embrace, Castiel wrapped himself around Dean and began to sob. “I’m so scared, Dean,” he confessed.

“I know,” Dean said, holding him tight and trying to soothe him by rubbing his hand up and down his back, finally settling in his hair. “It’s gonna be scary for a while, but I’ll be here to help you through it all, side by side, okay?”

Castiel nodded against him, his heartfelt sobs eventually calming down to small sniffs until he finally pulled back, wiping at his face to try to dry the tears. Unable to stop himself, Dean reached forward and used his thumb to wipe away the moisture just under his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said quietly.

“Don’t be,” Dean said. “I’ve cried for less,” he added, which was true. “Come on, let’s lie down.”

Castiel allowed Dean to pull him down onto the bed, where they faced each other. Dean pulled the throw over them again like he had four nights ago, their legs intertwining before he wrapped his arm around him, holding him close. Castiel’s eyes fell closed and Dean just watched him, revelling in the feel of Castiel, in his arms, his breath on his face all mixed in with the sound of Ben, Sam and Bobby laughing downstairs.

He knew it wasn’t perfect, that there was still a war, an apocalypse out there to fight; that Castiel still had a lot to adjust to before they could even think about what direction, if any, their relationship would take. He had a son now who depended on him, who he had to protect and provide for; and a brother who, as much as he protested against it, needed him just as much, too. They still didn’t know what Lucifer was really up to, or when the angels would finally lose their patience and come after them.

But right now, right here, for the first time in decades, he felt like he was right where he was meant to be. He was home.

THE END


End file.
